Saturday, December 6, 2014

Kim Kardashian Can Kiss My Flat Ass

Finally, here it is....without further ado. My homage to girls with no ass, those of us blessed with concave posteriors. I really don't know what's happening out in the world but when I go to the gym now, it seems every girl has an ass. Whatever their ethnicity, whatever their age -- asses, asses everywhere. 

When you're a girl with no ass, like it's just a straight shot down from my belt loop to my ankle, I guess you can be a little sensitive. When you think about a phenomenon like the Kardashian sisters becoming multimillionaires because of their asses, you get a little bummed. I mean what place is there in the world today for a girl with no booty, no badonkadonk? How in the world do you get one of those asses when you are starting from scratch?

Kim Kardashian recently attempted to "Break the Internet" with a photo of her oily, naked bum. First of all, I don't think even Kim Kardashian can Break the Internet. Second, I really don't think that photo was very flattering. Nor am I sure what parts of it are real. Her butt looks a little reminiscent of something you'd buy at Cracker Barrel to celebrate Thanksgiving. I'm not even going to use that image here in case it breaks my blog.

I'm sure all these big-assed girls are perfectly lovely, but I'm serious, what is happening? Is it our genetically modified food? Is it those machines at the gym? Is it these big butt exercises posted on YouTube? 

You girls can keep your shapely curves and your tiny waists. I have neither of those, but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with having a shape that most closely resembles my Uncle David's. I can wear a belt. As long as it's one of those stretchy ones. And look what I found on the unbroken Interweb. Chicken cutlets for your butt.

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