Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Pimsleur on Hiring a Hooker in Marseille

I have studied French for much of my life so technically I should be fluent. In fact, that is not the case. There was a time when I was conversant, when I was living in France and forced to speak the language daily. Now I am rusty. 

About two weeks ago, I decided to check out French conversation tapes from my local library. While focused on getting my pronunciation right and remembering vocabulary, I wasn't really paying attention to what I was actually saying. Then on my way home from work one night, it suddenly hit me. Those Pimsleur people really have a sense of humor. 

Here's are a few sample conversations I'm learning in French:

How to Hire a Hooker in Marseille

Male voice: Je veux passer quelques jours à Marseille. (I would like to spend a few days in Marseille)

Female voice: Ensemble? (Together?)

Male voice: Oui. J'ai cent dollars et quatre-vingt euros. (Yes. I have 100 dollars and eighty euros)

How to (Not) Pick Up Women

Male voice: Est-ce que vous êtes seule mademoiselle? (Are you alone Miss?)

Female Voice: Non, je suis avec mon mari. (No, I am with my husband)

Male voice: Si vous n'êtes pas seule, je vais partir. (If you are not alone, I am going to leave)

How to Thwart a Bank Robber

Male voice: Donnez-moi quatre-vingt dix euros. (Give me 90 euros)

Female Voice: Je ne veux pas. Je veux partir. (I don't want to. I want to leave.)

Et bien, c'est tout!

NB: When I tried searching the term French in Google images, many of the results were people dressed like mimes. Not all french people dress like mimes FYI.

Friday, September 6, 2013

And Then I Saw a Gal Carrying a Diskman

Over Labor Day, I saw a young woman out walking with a Diskman. And I thought, "Hey is she actually carrying a Diskman?" And then I thought, "Hey didn't I write a blog about a Diskman?" And then I looked up my old blog and found this:


Long Live the 80's

The pressure is on. My brother and his wife are having an 80's dance party this month and I have to find the perfect costume. I was looking for an old bridesmaid's dress so I could portray Alexis from Dynasty. Couldn't find one so my whole Dynasty idea is out the window as is my idea for my husband's matching Zamfir the pan floutist costume. I believe Zamfir is or was once married to Linda Evans. Or maybe it was Kenny G? Six of one, half dozen of another.

As I sat thinking of ideas from the 80's, I began seeing flashbacks from those days. Tastes, sights and smells I remember like they were yesterday.

1) TAB. I think TAB is probably still sold in Bulgaria but it will never recapture its former glory.

2) Indian Earth. Unless you're an 80's girl, you probably don't know Indian Earth. It came in this cool mini-clay pot and the applicator was the cork top. The cheek bone it created was rather severe.

3) Parliaments. No, not George Clinton's back-up band. Parliaments. Smoke'em if you got'em.

4) Walkman. The clumsy precursor to the iPod. A must-have for tuning out the 'rents. (actual weight 2lbs versus the Diskman weighing in at approximately 5lbs)

5) Mickey's Big Mouth or PBR, et al. Any beer you could afford as a teenager.

6) Famolare shoes. Okay I just found out those shoes are made in Brattleboro, Vermont. I thought they were Italian for God's sake.

7) Buf Puf. I nearly scrubbed my face off with the Buf Puf. Someone should've said something.

Other things I remember are innocence. Having no fear. Getting out of the house as much as possible. Rick Springfield.

Those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The Makings of Mr. Right

Too long off the blog. Not for lack of content. Writing for work and writing my blog for fun...can at times be mutually exclusive. I'll keep this brief since I'm getting back on the horse after weeks. This thing happened with my son and I just thought it was sweet.

Will was away most of the summer so I'd left his room alone. I didn't worry about peach pits growing fuzz in his garbage can, or dirty socks left under the bed. It was nice and quiet and lonely as hell.

When he came back home, I returned to my old habits of daily visits to his room. Will is an A #1 pack rat. This trait gets in his way at school when he can't find his book in the piles. Or he does his homework but forgets it under the papers on his desk. Will collects random scraps of paper, guitar picks, chapsticks, pencils in various states of sharpness, receipts, beef jerky pouches, etc. He dumps everything out of his pockets on to his desk and then doesn't give it much thought. Or so it seems to me.

I was shuffling through a stack of papers on Will's desk to see if there was anything that could be tossed. Then I found it. It was a 3 x 5 note card lying face down . On it was a list of 5 items for dating. 

Will has many girl friends that he sees frequently to hang with on weekends or go to parties. My favorite party so far was the one for his friend from Nepal. Her father is extremely strict. For her 15th birthday she was allowed to invite one boy in a sea of girls. I dropped Will off and went inside to meet the parents. Nice parents. But it's strange having your son be the only boy. I gave him lots of completely obvious tips like use your manners, be polite, no swearing. He's since gone on to be one of the only boys invited to a New Year's Eve party, bowling parties and movie nights.

Will has had some dates with girls from school.  The first girl was a beauty. She looked like Mila Kunis. But she made her sister cry in front of Will so he decided she was kind of mean. A few more dates with another girl. They decided they were better suited as friends. It's all been very civil so far. While he's still where he is, I am delighted to know that what's been on his mind is a simple list of 5 dating rules.

The first? Be friends with her.

The last? Take her somewhere that costs $30.

I think he's definitely on the right track. I'm not exactly sure where he got the $30 figure but it sounds fair to me.