Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Half-Baked: A Poorly Conceived Plan

This spring in Connecticut has been unusually cold. Even for Connecticut. Where it's cold a lot. When you're a Texan like me, living in a place as cold as this, it wears on you. You get a little stir crazy. You start to contemplate things you wouldn't even consider under normal circumstances. And that's why I went tanning. Not spray tanning. Actually tanning in a bed.

It all started when a client asked me to attend their big annual event in Vegas. It's called Hexagon Live.  I spent two weeks ahead of the event researching case studies from their clients that I'd been asked to interview. These are companies from around the world doing very cool stuff with our client's geospatial mapping software. Very technical stuff, very complex applications. Lots of studying. 

But in the back of my mind, because after all I am a girl, I was thinking what will I wear? I hadn't even swapped out my winter clothes for summer. Because it was still so cold. It was not cold in Vegas however. The weekend I arrived the weather forecasters were predicting the temperature would be in the low 100's. I panicked. How could I dress for 100-degree weather and not put my hideously white legs on display?

So I started with a little bronzing. I had some left over from years ago. It was probably expired because even after two applications, I didn't really have a tan.Off to Vegas I went in all my pastiness, praying I wouldn't have to wear a skirt. 

When I came back to Connecticut it was still cold. Enough already. I got a new, stronger bronzer. Oy that was a disaster. Stripes and swirls everywhere on my arms and legs. My wrists were orange. Ridiculous is how I would describe my look. 

That's when a girlfriend from work and I decided to go check out the new tanning salon nearby. We'd stopped in weeks before but the place was still under construction. This time, they were open for business. We decided to try one session on the spot. You could choose to sit in there for up to 20 minutes but Julie decided to do 10 instead. The check-in girls looked at me and politely suggested I try 8. 

In we went. Everything was new and clean. I had to walk back out to ask for those little mini goggles. Then I got into the bed, for the first time ever, and sat there for 8 minutes. 

Without pulling the lid down. Because I didn't realize you're supposed to do that. 

In the end, I'd tanned about 2/3 of my body. So my back and part of my right arm looked somewhat tan and the rest was the same. I know Julie wants to go back but I think I'm out. When you grow up in the South and you're used to the actual sun on your skin, tanning just isn't the same. And then there's my deep-seated fear of looking like Magda from There's Something About Mary. Or that crazed tanning mom


  1. Oh, Beck, your self-deprecating honesty is always such a delight. Spanx, bikinis, hair, camo clothes and now your Connecticut pallor. What's next? Your teeth?

  2. Oh Will I have no idea. But I sincerely appreciate your reading and delighting in honesty. Xo