Wednesday, March 6, 2013

My Top 3 Things that You'll Never See on Goop

Honestly I don't visit goop often but I was pleasantly surprised to stop by today and see my twitter friend and fellow Texan @BreneBrown writing about vulnerability, the subject of her book Daring Greatly. I had originally planned to write a snarky blog about a few of my secret shames and how anti-goop they are - at least it seems to me.

In reading Brené's post, it occurred to me that maybe I should cut the snark and just put my crap out there. Just me daring to be vulnerable. And leave Gwyneth Paltrow alone. Because in all reality there is a really good chance that GP likes Fritos too. I mean who doesn't like Fritos?

So here are my top 3 things that Gwyneth Paltrow might possibly like as well but I really doubt they will ever be featured on goop.

Frito Pie

I love Frito Pie. They serve it in malls in Texas. I had a very interesting conversation with my Connecticut work girlfriends about Frito Pie. Turns out, they'd never even heard of it. What? When I was searching for Frito Pie images for this blog, I found out that people actually make it in the little Fritos bag. But I'm kicking it old school in a handy mall container. The recipe is super simple and involves only processed food. It's fantastic. Trust me.

• 4 cups Fritos
• 1 can (15 ounces) chili - no beans (Hormel preferred)

• 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup diced green chilies
• Sour cream, onions and salsa (optional)

Use the Fritos as your crust. Heat the chili and pour over the Fritos. Sprinkle cheese and other goodies you like on top. Grab a fork and some napkins. And a Zantac.

Spanx Bathing Suits

Obviously, it goes without saying, if you're eating Frito Pie you may at some point need to purchase a Spanx bathing suit. Spanx bathing suits can be any brand really. Miraclesuit is another one. Miraclesuit promises to make you look 10 pounds thinner in 10 seconds. I am so in on that.

There's only one small problem with Miraclesuit, Spanx bathing suits etc. It's like any malleable object you apply pressure to, for example silly putty. When you squeeze silly putty in your hand, it will seep through your fingers. The same holds true for flesh. Yes a Spanx bathing suit can create the illusion of a waist (finally, a waist!). But suddenly I have an ass too?  

RHO Name That City

My husband says that watching any of the Real Housewives of New York, Beverly Hills, Atlanta, New Jersey etc is like watching wrestling. It's like middle-aged woman wrestling. 

I disagree. There's something so mind numbing and yet reassuring about watching these shows. I love when one of the housewives tries to launch a singing career.  Here's a classic video of "Countess" LuAnn de Lesseps singing Money Can't Buy You Class. I had a cousin back in Texas named LuAnn. We called her Ludy. This LuAnn should've reconsidered the bustier that sort of - or alot - makes her look like a drag queen in this video.

NB: I wrote this blog several weeks ago and since then Gwyneth has come out to rag on herself about her worst Oscar outfits including that one that was like sweatshirt material.  You know I totally think that a gal who would wear sweats to the Oscars might go for a little Real Housewives and Frito Pie. 

NB2: I just checked back with goop and the site is currently featuring oyuna for goop - cashmere throws starting at just $900. Really?


  1. I'm a big Brene Brown fan. She makes sense. As for goop, stuff like that is just another sign of the imminent zombie apocalypse.

    1. That's so funny. Brene is my friend on the twitter. Texas connection.

      I concur. goop = zombie apocalypse = the horror