Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Things I Invent at My Day Job

And by I....I mean we. Things WE invent at our day jobs. Because I work with some pretty creative women. There's Jules, Michelle, Lucia , Megan and Wendy. There was Deb. Technically we still work with Deb only it's in a different capacity. Long story that she should write about, if she hasn't already.

Several bloggers coincidentally writing great blogs like So What Are You Making for Dinner? (Lucia), Closet Fashionista (Megan) and (Deb). Julie is working on turning her life story into a Chelsea Handler kind of a book. Wendy could design the cover. Michelle could make it into a movie.

We work at an agency but our offices are in the boonies. We have about 3 lunch options total. It's not like we're popping out to grab something from Cosi in the City. When noon rolls around we tend to take our weird leftovers, Smart Ones, vegan specials -- and heat them up in the microwave. Then we sit around and cook up ideas for inventions. What we would do if we didn't work at this agency in the boonies?

These are my favorite inventions so far:

Broken Spirit
A new fragrance for women who've given up on their dreams. This was GENIUS product naming by Deb. I think it would smell something like the skinny clothes you've put in a giant plastic tub in your basement. Slightly musty and let down.

Spankles would become all the rage in shapewear - for the gal whose feet and ankles are one.

Middle-Aged Butt Branding
Sure the younger set has embraced sweatpants with brands emblazoned across their butts. Juicy. Pink. UCONN. Whatever it is, just slap it across the back of your pants and go out jogging. Our idea is to brand sweatpants for middle-aged women. We'd embroider them with snappy slogans like: Flat. Bumpy. Cold. Worn Out.
Once Great.

Real-World Barbie 
Along the same lines as our sweat pants, these Barbies would represent real women. Jiggly Julie. Big-Boned Becky. Our caravans would be stocked with Cream of Mushroom soup and Smirnoff.

Fun Nursing Homes
In my last year of high school, I worked at a nursing home for Jesuit priests called The Campion Center in Weston, MA. At the Campion Center, the priests and brothers had happy hour in the evening. It wasn't wild and crazy, but they had a drink. "Why should people at the end of their lives be denied a glass of wine," said Lucia. Our fun nursing home would have happy hours like Mariachi and Margarita Mondays. Maybe date night? What the hell.

You may be old but you're not dead.

Fun Nursing Homes in Hawaii
Very similar to our other concept, except we get to live in Hawaii. And somehow Dog the Bounty Hunter would play a role.

Stay tuned.


  1. Sign me up, one of each of the above.

  2. I love Broken Spirit. The commercial theme song could be Wild Fire. With a tired half dead woman riding a donkey to Walmart. You know, I bet there is a picture just for that somewhere on the internet.

    1. Perfect. Cut. It's a wrap on the commercial.

  3. Those Catholic nursing homes. My mom was a nurse at one for many years. They had a dance once a week, and the residents could have an alcoholic beverage if they wanted. Why in the heck not? Let's rewrite the whole concept of nursing/retirement homes. :)

    1. I'm in. Who cares if you do a little drinking and dancing as you get older.