The Angel I Envision

 












My son Will wrote and performed this song at some point in our living room. I only found out about it yesterday.

Bigger Than Life

This week a friend and former colleague died at his home in Belize, a heart attack the result of running out of blood pressure medication. It's hard to explain this guy, but I think my brother Clay summed it up perfectly when he said he left everything on the field. 

He was like a caricature, but not. That's the only way I can explain it. When I first met him, and until we no longer worked together, he was the top selling salesperson globally for this tech company. His territory was Latin America and the Caribbean. Fluent in Spanish and an avid sailor, he was a natural fit for the job. 

At the time, I worked in international marketing--everything outside the US and Canada. It was actually way more fun than US and Canada and way more Wild, Wild, West. I can't talk about it all, because within our group we had what's known as "the Cone of Silence." We didn't talk about what happened in Brazil or Mexico, because it never happened.

The news of our friend's death really hit me. Hypothetically we know that no one here gets out alive. But in the real world, it can be shocking. As I said, and my brother and other close friends echoed, there are some people who are so larger than life, it doesn't seem like they can actually die.  

But he did. And what is real or made up about him, we will hopefully never know for sure.  Here's what I do know: those ridiculous biking shorts that he wore sailing, his love of all things on the water, Red Stripe beer, sipping caipirinhas at the Maksoud in Sao Paulo, his loud silly laugh and big smile, he was a lover of women and loved in return. Is there anything more?

He lived large and that is a lesson to us all. Seize the day because our days are numbered. Or as his friend John said, "Time has us all, so enjoy every day."

They're Tracking Us

Social media is a weird thing. It puts so many words out there and we think the words don't matter or connect the dots, but they do. Facebook algorithms are tracking us, and we say, "Oh it's fine, I have a tin foil hat or I'm not on Facebook." What we write on social media is revealing who we are. 

I recently met with a young classmate of my son's for a job shadowing program through their high school. These kids seem so poised. Emma seemed so poised. I don't know if that is because I was a nervous wreck as a child or if there really is a big difference between millenials and me.

When I was a junior in high school, I was working at various menial jobs and babysitting. I was killing it babysitting. Thank you to Mr. and Mrs. House on Rice's Lane in Westport, who not only had the world's easiest baby but they also had awesome snacks. Represent Camp Mahackeno! But I was otherwise trying like hell to hide who I was.  I don't know if it was the times, or it was just me.

My job shadower Emma was entirely prepared for our meeting. We had to push it a few times because she had so many things on her plate like AP exams and varsity sports. When we finally met, what I came away thinking was that kid is exhausted. She kept yawning when we were talking or actually trying to stifle yawns. I assumed boredom, and it may in fact have been boredom, but she later said she learned a bunch from talking to me.  So I'm going to say 50% boredom, 50% exhaustion from all the testing and sports etc.

Emma brought some writing samples for me to review, and as I read them I began to get a better picture of who she is. She's a nonconformist, she's a romantic -- I mean she must be right to want to pursue a career in writing? I thought wow, I am really beginning to see who she is. She is revealed.

Then today I was thinking well I'm still a huge secret except for my blog and my Pinterest boards and my Twitter feed. Who am I kidding? All will be revealed through our writing. And now our writing and our words are pervasive on social.

Hands Are Not For Hitting

I wrote this for work but I love this organization and the people there were incredibly kind and passionate about what they do.

The issue of domestic violence has made headlines recently, from high-profile athletes to family disputes gone terribly wrong. While the videos and police reports are shocking, it all seems far away. This Christmas, our company decided to make a difference by foregoing secret Santa’s this year to give to our local Center for Family Justice, one of 85 centers worldwide that offer a coordinated approach to breaking the cycle of domestic violence and sexual assault. Annually, our Center serves over 10,000 people primarily in the towns of Bridgeport, Easton, Fairfield, Monroe, Stratford and Trumbull.

The employees of SFA bought gift cards of varying amounts and the total was matched by the company’s owners, Mark and John. Our office manager, Julie, contacted the Center’s Director of Development & Community Outreach, Sarah Smith Lubarsky, and we were invited to hand deliver the cards and take a tour of the facility. What we learned was eye opening.

There are two things that struck me as we arrived at the Center’s offices in Bridgeport: 1) the secured door that you have to be buzzed through and 2) the mural that greets you. As for the door, it’s the first sign of the Center’s absolute focus on client confidentiality. Sarah repeats this as we talk, “Our services are free and strictly confidential.” Secondly, there’s the mural. It’s a painting of handprints and at the center it reads, “Hands are Not for Hitting.” On each hand is written other things hands are “for” like Signing, Writing and Playing.

Sarah shows us counseling rooms and interview rooms filled with comfortable chairs, children’s books and toys, and drawing materials. Here victims and advocates meet, supported by a multi-disciplinary team (police, legal, DCF and others), to gather evidence, accept counseling and receive care in their time of need. The Center also provides:

·      A 24-hour confidential hotline

·      Community education and prevention training

·      Bilingual crisis counseling and safe housing for families fleeing abusers

·      Criminal and civil court advocacy

·      Counseling to women entering and leaving prison

·      Access to job training, health and wellness programs
 

Continuing to help the families in our community is a function of the Center staying operational through donations and fundraising. The Center for Family Justice hosts  a variety of educational and fun events throughout the year including: Ride Against Child Abuse for bikers, Bowling Against Bullying and Walk A Mile in Her Shoes, with Fairfield Police Chief Gary MacNamara walking down the Post Road in pumps to focus attention on domestic and sexual violence.

We support the all the staffers, volunteers and brave families who get help through the Center for Family Justice. And we hope that someday, their work can come to an end.

Kim Kardashian Can Kiss My Flat Ass

Finally, here it is....without further ado. My homage to girls with no ass, those of us blessed with concave posteriors. I really don't know what's happening out in the world but when I go to the gym now, it seems every girl has an ass. Whatever their ethnicity, whatever their age -- asses, asses everywhere. 

When you're a girl with no ass, like it's just a straight shot down from my belt loop to my ankle, I guess you can be a little sensitive. When you think about a phenomenon like the Kardashian sisters becoming multimillionaires because of their asses, you get a little bummed. I mean what place is there in the world today for a girl with no booty, no badonkadonk? How in the world do you get one of those asses when you are starting from scratch?

Kim Kardashian recently attempted to "Break the Internet" with a photo of her oily, naked bum. First of all, I don't think even Kim Kardashian can Break the Internet. Second, I really don't think that photo was very flattering. Nor am I sure what parts of it are real. Her butt looks a little reminiscent of something you'd buy at Cracker Barrel to celebrate Thanksgiving. I'm not even going to use that image here in case it breaks my blog.

I'm sure all these big-assed girls are perfectly lovely, but I'm serious, what is happening? Is it our genetically modified food? Is it those machines at the gym? Is it these big butt exercises posted on YouTube? 

You girls can keep your shapely curves and your tiny waists. I have neither of those, but I'm okay with that. I'm okay with having a shape that most closely resembles my Uncle David's. I can wear a belt. As long as it's one of those stretchy ones. And look what I found on the unbroken Interweb. Chicken cutlets for your butt.

Not Yet Men

Last night Will was coming home from the gym and ran into some kids he knows from baseball. One of them has a dog that apparently gets out of the house quite a bit. They live near a busy intersection.

The dog followed Will across the street and was hit and killed. The driver didn't stop. Will carried the dog home to the boy's house who was also a witness and obviously distraught. I don't know what to say to my son about this. He was washing blood off his shoes and I was washing blood out of his clothes. What do you say about that?

N.B. I was harassing Will about AP English homework last night and he said something about what I must think of him -- that he's a slacker. And I said I don't think of you like that. I think you're heroic. What I think I meant was he has great character. He may not have great grades, but he has great character. This is what I think about Will. 

Pet Food Looks Eerily Like Human Food. And the Reverse.

I had the funniest catch-up call with my sister-in-law last week. Bunch of great stories. I was reminded of one today when I went for a scoop of peanut butter as a midday snack.

I bought myself a small jar of reduced fat peanut butter to use for snacking during the day, instead of say carbs. Sometimes I just have a teaspoon, and sometimes I put it on something (usually a carb). At the same time or nearly, I bought our dog a large vat of regular fat peanut butter because she also loves it as a snack. I take my snack from my jar and Daisy's snack from her jar, until one day my husband started filling her Kong ball with my reduced fat peanut butter.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

""Giving the dog a treat," said Rod. 

"But that's my treat," said I.

Turns out I have been co-mingling / sharing peanut butter with my dog for I don't know how long now. The other thing I find disturbing is that my husband gave the higher end, lower fat version of the peanut butter to the DOG. 

Along those lines, my sis-in-law was telling me about my brother eating bird kibble at her parent's house. Apparently, it looked very much like trail mix which actually I would buy that those two foods could be mistaken. Except the bird kibble was made for large birds that destroy foods with their beaks, so it contained things like whole nuts in the shell. 

I guess my brother took this as a challenge to eat the trail mix / bird food with whole nuts. Cracking whole nuts probably slows down your snacking and that's why animals are fit and we are fat. Not my brother, but other humans.

I just did a search for whole foods bird food and the first result that came up describes their product as:

This parrot food is so delicious that you may want to share it with your parrot. As with all of Dr. Harvey’s Avian Blends, Exotic Parrot Food contains only 100% human grade ingredients. We use only whole nuts, fruits and vegetables. We never use pieces or “pet grade” with any of our products.

That picture is my son Will around 6 years old with a birdie named Cha Cha.